Understands
by YokaiHeart
Summary: Loki knows and he understands. Loki's thoughts on the Avengers.


A/N: Okay so I haven't written anything in a while and I have so many ideas for avenger fanfics. Hopefully I can get most of them written down before they slip away. Anyways, this is my first attempt at an Avengers fanfic!

Enjoy :)

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**Understands**

They are called the Avengers. Earth's Mightiest Heroes, they say. Together they take down the enemies no single hero could do. They are an unstoppable force. They are the bravest. They are not afraid to give their lives to protect the world. They are fearless.

Loki _knows _better.

He knows how the solider from the past distances himself from the modern world. How he destroys punching bag after punching bag until he wears himself tired enough to sleep through the loud city noises. How, even after all that work, he still sleeps fitfully. How he tosses and turns from nightmares of needles and pain and freezing cold. How he takes out his old and battered compass and stares at an old and faded picture of a love that couldn't be.

Loki _knows_ he is lost.

He knows how the scientist cautiously approaches everything and everyone. How he wrings his wrists raw from the effort to breathe calmly. How he sometimes takes out a box of news clippings and articles of green monsters and destruction to remind himself to never lose control. How he flinches at a friendly hand. How he puts a gun to his head every night and contemplates pulling the trigger. How he knows it will never work but wishes that one day it will.

Loki _knows_ he is hopeless.

He knows how the billionaire genius pushes everyone away with rash comments. How he drowns himself in his drinks to keep the nightmares at bay. How he purposefully damages any chances he has to be friends with his team. How he looks longingly when the others laugh and joke without him but continues to push them away. How he sits in front of the mirror and just stares at his glowing heart and wonders of it's all worth it. How he takes every harsh judgment of his childhood hero to heart and it _hurts_.

Loki knows he is suffering.

Loki knows how the assassin trusts know one. How she constantly searches for some sign of threat from her team. How she watches every movement, her fingers tight on the hilt of her knife. How she lies awake for hours until she knows everyone is asleep before she can calm down. How she never misses a chance to exploit a weakness. How she keeps her own deep in a heart she hopes she still has. How she dances just out of reach of the hawk she secretly yearns for.

Loki _knows_ she is terrified.

He knows how the archer watches more keenly than the assassin. How he plays with the edge of the roof with his foot. How he swoops down to land beside the spider but gets caught in a web of mistrust. How he fought and fought to keep his own mind in a battle of wills against a god. How he jokes and laughs to keep everyone sane when he finally gains control. How inside he wants to cry and kneel and beg forgiveness.

Loki _knows_ he is tormented.

He knows how his brother watches his fellow warriors. How he _knows_ what Loki knows. How he chooses to ignore it all in the bright hours of the day. How he drifts past each room at night and listens to silent screams and painful dreams. How he apologizes each and every day behind his loud voice and bright smiles. How he wishes there was something, anything, he could do to help. How the mighty god of thunder sinks to his knees and cries silent tears as his team slowly breaks.

Loki _knows_ he is helpless.

Loki _knows_ all this because he _listens._

And for the first time, Loki feels pity for someone other than himself. And he fights all the more fiercely.

He will give them a reason to live. To trust. To love.

He will make the lost found.

The hopeless hope.

The suffering end.

The terrified fearless.

The tormented free.

The helpless strong.

Loki will do all these things because he_ knows_ and he _understands. _

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R&R please! We writers gotta get better somehow :)


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